It's like that stride mystery flavour...you always think you know, and maybe you're right, about some of the parts at least, but your convictions are about as tenacious as the flavour in a piece of gum. You keep guessing and you always will but all you can ever say for sure is ‘sweet.’
And so sweet is what I’ll work with in attempting to describe the emotional, sensual and didactic flavours that dance, now fleetingly, on my palate. In fact it is as good a word as any for this impossible job, I could never claim that I could put into words what artists, poets and literary geniuses have grappled with for centuries. Paris always has and always will have a ‘je ne sais quoi’…
For those of you that I’ve preached to about the Law of Attraction, it has shown itself here in its brightest forms yet in my experience. To return to an old thought: I wished before coming here, referring to a Moliere quote, that my love of life would make me so weak as to force me into the French health care system. Sure enough, in a roundabout way it did. Next, to speak to my “3 losts,” it is without question that they’ve materialized. The photos I crossed off the list early, but the ‘losts’ in their most literal sense didn’t stop there.. and didn’t limit themselves to the Paris borders. As for the third lost.. lets just say facebook would say “ Its Complicated with Ola Mirzoeva and Paris <3” (what ever happened to that status option anyway? It was clearly the most accurate/hilarious).
In those four months I changed at a fundamental level – I was shaped by the love, support and joint self-destruction of a family like no other. I think that like with your first love, when you grow, discover, and experience that new level of happy, the people involved have a piece of you. And so I’ll lock myself into bittersweet for some time, always missing these people, but always knowing that I carry them with me.
I experienced so many new things here…every one of my senses has now been indulged to a point of what I can only hope is not total spoilage. There were really some days and moments in which I felt as though I could “die from an overdosis of satisfaction.”And you know, it doesn’t even bother me that I've packed a little extra foie gras for home!
What’s more important is that my world view has now expanded from pinhole to at least a thimble. In a special lecture that I attended at ESCP, L’eloge de l’optisme, a speaker discussed the amazing power of travel to build a strong optimistic view on life. I think that I may have had optimism going for me beforehand, but now its pretty much invincible. And I guess if you’re me it’s an adaptation to see the bright side while traveling…:)
Needless to say the last week in Paris was nothing short of heartbreaking. But hey, if you’re getting your heart broken, why not make it by the mothership of heartbreakers..
And so on my last night, in the best city in the world, in the city of love, sharing a bottle of Veuve Cliquot en face de la tour, and contemplating my ‘vie en rose’, I harvested a new quote from the wise and talented for a last attempt at capturing my own feelings: “A nous deux, Paris.” An ongoing challenge or a final toast? Only time will tell!
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I wrote this over my last few days in Paris. Reading it back now I feel a little silly at how dramatic things got, but hey, gotta stay true to my feelings at the time! I've been truly lucky to have such a smooth transition back into Canadian life. (To be quite honest actually I spent a whole week moping in bed, but that was better than expected!). Today I'm happy to report that not only am I a fully mobile and functional human, but I've managed to retain that starry-eyed traveler outlook here in Kingston. I've discovered so many gems here that had passed me by the past two years...I feel more eager to connect with my surroundings, to appreciate the people and opportunities fate (or the law of attraction!) tosses my way. I mean, it was clearly so good to me in the past, I've no choice but to have faith!
Still, despite these positives I still can't help but feel the sting of missing my Parisian family. They are truly like no others. I plan to go back to beautiful P in May to see off Nina, who will be starting her term at INSEAD (lucky duck), to check in with alexandre, and of course for a glorious family reunion.
I think I might do that whole classic X-ing of a calendar... I've always wanted to, just for the fun of it, but have never really looked forward to something enough.
sweet.
amour toujours
